12 Questions: TLGB Birthday Interview & Free Download

La Roux – Bulletproof (Boo To A Goose Remix) (MediaFire)

For the fourth installment in our series of bizarre 12th birthday interviews we caught up with The Living Graham Bond. Read his answers to our questions after the jump.

“Am I shoving something up my Jackson Five?”

He also sent us this remix of La Roux he did as part of Boo To A Goose. We know you probably never wanted to hear another ‘Buletproof’ remix ever again but we think you’ll like this. Let us know what you think… And in case you haven’t heard about Elly Jackson’s recent rant, read about here.

CTF: If you had a talent, what would it be?

TLGB: Drawing, I’m shit at it but I have a degree in fine art.

CTF: If you were captured by gay pirates and had to choose any object to be inserted into your bottom to save your life, what would it be and why?

TLGB: OK, I’m confused. Am I shoving something up my Jackson Five to help me escape or is this a situation where they say “either we stick this in you or you die”? To escape I’d insert some guns ‘n’ stuff. Otherwise, the cabin boy or the ships cat.

CTF: Who is the biggest twunt in dance music?

TLGB: I’m tempted to say me but David Guetta seems to be a popular choice recently.

CTF: Apart from your close relatives, do you think anyone will know who you are in three years time?

TLGB: I hope so. I’ve been thinking about trying to make it big in the world of Chili farming.

CTF: On a scale of 1 to brain-dead, how many brain cells would you reckon you have left?

TLGB: I think I have a few left, though I do watch Eastenders religiously now. Lucas, your days are numbered.

CTF: If we were to weigh your balls, which reconstituted meat product would you estimate they weigh the equivalent of (e.g. mini-scotch egg, pork pie, jumbo sausage roll etc)?

TLGB: Combined weight I reckon a Bernard Mathews Turkey Drummer, they seemed pretty big when I was young. A childhood favourite now soiled.

CTF: On a scale of one to ‘cool’, how ‘cool’ do you think you look when you walk through a public space carrying a record bag? Do you look cool? Do you? Well do you?

TLGB: One. I have a rucksack rather than a record bag. It makes me look like that twat who’s come prepared for the ride home with sarnies, blankets and a spare pair of pants (because accidents happen).

CTF: When did you last weep for humanity and why?

TLGB: When the line up of Strictly Come Dancing was announced on BBC news. But looking at it from a different perspective, anything that keeps our miserable nation happy doesn’t hurt.

CTF: If you were a pizza topping, which would you be and why?

TLGB: Whilst at university my girlfriend was interviewed for a job at Sainsbury’s and they asked her the same question so I’ll give the same answer: “I would be ham and pineapple… because I like it.”

CTF: What is the point of a DJ?

TLGB: I don’t know yet but when I figure it out I’ll keep you posted. Has it got something to do with the Da Vinci Code?

CTF: Where will you be in 12 years time?

TLGB: China, so i can enjoy the UK economic meltdown all over again.

CTF: Any final words of wisdom?

TLGB: Get a Blackberry not an iPhone.