12 Questions: Doorly

Riton & Primary One - Who’s There? (Doorly Remix) (MediaFire)

Riton & Primary One - Who’s There? (Doorly’s Knock Knock Remix) (MediaFire)

Doorly truly is the man of the moment. Reclaim The Dancefloor (Ibiza Rocks) resident and remixer to the likes of Kanye West and Dizzee Rascal, his DJ sets are as renowned as his productions. He’ll be gracing the decks at our 12th Birthday on Friday October 9th so don’t miss out. We caught up with him and asked him 12 completely un-music-related questions (why not?) that we’ll be posing to all the DJs playing at our Birthday. Read his highly amusing answers after the jump. You can also download his two (apparently one just wasn’t enough) remixes of Riton & Primary 1’s huge ‘Who’s There?’

CTF: If you had a talent, what would it be?

D: I’ve always thought that given the dedication and a few lucky breaks, I’d make big waves as a dried cat salesman.

CTF: If you were captured by gay pirates and had to choose any object to be inserted into your bottom to save your life, what would it be and why?

D: Yep, I hate it when that happens, I usually go for the tinned asparagus

CTF: Who is the biggest twunt in dance music?

D:Me!

CTF: Apart from your close relatives, do you think anyone will know who you are in three years time?

D: If things go to plan, yes, hopefully anyone who wants to buy a dried cat in the Huddersfield or Halifax area will have my card.

CTF: On a scale of 1 to braindead, how many braincells would you reckon you have left?

D: If I could still count, I’d Tell you!!

CTF: If we were to weigh your balls, which reconstituted meat product would you estimate they weigh the equivalent of (e.g. mini-scotch egg, pork pie, jumbo sausage roll etc)?

D: I always get asked this question! Funnily enough, just after a full emptying they’re exactly the same weight as 3 Mr Braines pork Faggots.

CTF: On a scale of one to ‘cool’, how ‘cool’ do you think you look when you walk through a public space carrying a record bag? Do you look cool? Do you? Well do you?

D: Oh yeah, I’m a pretty cool customer! In-fact, sometimes, when I can’t get a gig, I just go and hang around in the busy streets outside shit nightclubs wearing a massive empty record bag and a pair of sunglasses trying to get people to take pictures of me so I can tag myself in them on facebook.

CTF: If you were a pizza topping, which would you be and why?

D: That’s the kind of question you’d get asked on blind date! So in that kind of vibe…..(One for the ladies!!!) Chilli…….. Mushroom ………..& Stilton…… Because I’m Hot……….I’m a Fungi (Fun-Guy?) ……….. And I smell of arse!!!!

CTF: What is the point of a DJ?

D: People can’t give shit to a jukebox, so we have DJ’s for stupid people to vent their lack of musical knowledge to (“Play something good” …“have you got any RnB?”….”You’re Shit!!” etc)

CTF: Where will you be in 12 years time?

D: Scunthorpe

CTF: Any final words of wisdom?

D: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission… (Hang on, that sounds a bit rapey….), The Early Worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late! Eat a live toad in the morning and usually, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day!